I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
