she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
