So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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