so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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