I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
