I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
