Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
