already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
