shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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