had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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