I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
