Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
