My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
