This girl is more easily done than said...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
