Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
