I puked a lego.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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