he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
