2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
