i just had sex bonerless
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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