I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
