I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
