What a fucking waste of an outfit
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The uberlube is also flammable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
