do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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