Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
