Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
