My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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