she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The uberlube is also flammable
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
