Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
