last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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