I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
