bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
