I didn't shave. On purpose
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
