Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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