I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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