Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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