Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
