im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
