Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
