I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
