Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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