i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have tasted many bathrooms
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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