ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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