Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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