Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
