I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
