OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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