i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
