I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
