You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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