covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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