..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
