how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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