i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
