I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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