I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
