Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
