I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
