apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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